There are no words

I can and can't explain why I'm so upset over the death of a Sedgwick County Sheriff's deputy today. I've been crying off and on throughout the day and tonight, I'm finding it very hard to sleep, thinking very much of the wife and child, the mother he was forced to leave behind.
I'm thinking of all the LEO's I know and talk to everyday. How precious their lives are and how much they give up on a daily basis, whether it's time with family, sanity or at times like today, even their lives.
I want to say how grateful I am to have big brothers and big sisters in blue for looking out for me. There have been a lot of times in my life where they have helped out and even more recently, that has been no exception to the rule.
I've prayed for their safety today and for the comfort of the officer's family and that of the suspect's.
It's times like this where I have no choice but to turn to God with my problems, because I can't make sense of it. It makes no sense. The whole thing is pointless in my eyes. Such a tragic way to die and such a waste. Sometimes, but not always, something will pop out at me and call attention. These verses are just a few that have brought comfort tonight.

Psalm 35 - Prayer for Help against Upjust Enemies

Oppose, LORD, those who oppose me; war upon those who make war upon me.
Take up the shield and buckler; rise up in my defense.
Brandish lance and battle-ax against my pursuers. Say to my heart, "I am your salvation."
Let those who seek my life be put to shame and disgrace. Let those who plot evil against me be turned back and confounded.
Make them like chaff before the wind, with the angel of the LORD driving them on.
Make their way slippery and dark, with the angel of the LORD pursuing them.
Without cause they set their snare for me; without cause they dug a pit for me.
Let ruin overtake them unawares; let the snare they have set catch them; let them fall into the pit they have dug.
Then I will rejoice in the LORD, exult in God's salvation.
My very bones shall say, "O LORD, who is like you, Who rescue the afflicted from the powerful, the afflicted and needy from the despoiler?"
Malicious witnesses come forward, accuse me of things I do not know.
They repay me evil for good and I am all alone.
Yet I, when they were ill, put on sackcloth, afflicted myself with fasting, sobbed my prayers upon my bosom.
I went about in grief as for my brother, bent in mourning as for my mother.
Yet when I stumbled they gathered with glee, gathered against me like strangers. They slandered me without ceasing;
without respect they mocked me, gnashed their teeth against me.
Lord, how long will you look on? Save me from roaring beasts, my precious life from lions!
Then I will thank you in the great assembly; I will praise you before the mighty throng.
Do not let lying foes smirk at me, my undeserved enemies wink knowingly.
They speak no words of peace, but against the quiet in the land they fashion deceitful speech.
They open wide their mouths against me. They say, "Aha! Good! Our eyes relish the sight!"
You see this, LORD; do not be silent; Lord, do not withdraw from me.
Awake, be vigilant in my defense, in my cause, my God and my Lord.
Defend me because you are just, LORD; my God, do not let them gloat over me.
Do not let them say in their hearts, "Aha! Just what we wanted!" Do not let them say, "We have devoured that one!"
Put to shame and confound all who relish my misfortune. Clothe with shame and disgrace those who lord it over me.
But let those who favor my just cause shout for joy and be glad. May they ever say, "Exalted be the LORD who delights in the peace of his loyal servant."
Then my tongue shall recount your justice, declare your praise, all the day long.

and Psalm 143 - A Prayer in Distress

LORD, hear my prayer; in your faithfulness listen to my pleading; answer me in your justice.
Do not enter into judgment with your servant; before you no living being can be just.
The enemy has pursued me; they have crushed my life to the ground. They have left me in darkness like those long dead.
My spirit is faint within me; my heart is dismayed.
I remember the days of old; I ponder all your deeds; the works of your hands I recall.
I stretch out my hands to you; I thirst for you like a parched land. Selah
Hasten to answer me, LORD; for my spirit fails me. Do not hide your face from me, lest I become like those descending to the pit.
At dawn let me hear of your kindness, for in you I trust. Show me the path I should walk, for to you I entrust my life.
Rescue me, LORD, from my foes, for in you I hope.
Teach me to do your will, for you are my God. May your kind spirit guide me on ground that is level.
For your name's sake, LORD, give me life; in your justice lead me out of distress.
In your kindness put an end to my foes; destroy all who attack me, for I am your servant.

Knit your bit

I recently finished a black wool helmet liner as part of a charity project for soldiers overseas. The knitting group I’m in decided to do that as a project and it was a welcome change from the premie hats I’ve had to do with small yarn and even smaller needles.
As I was putting together the liner stitch by stitch, my mind went back to my trip to Kansas City, Mo., with Stan. We visited the National World War I museum and despite my initial misgivings, I did learn a lot and almost enjoyed it. (Enjoyed in as much as you can like millons of people dying in a war).
Towards the back of the museum, when you got to when the United States started to contribute soldiers and efforts towards the war, you can see what citizens did to give to those fighting in foreign lands.
Among the posters was one that struck a cord with me. It read:

Now I lay me down to sleep
I pray the Lord my soul to keep
God Bless my brother gone to war
Across the seas in France so far
Oh may his fight for liberty
Save millions more than little me
From cruel fates or ruthless blasts
and bring him safely home at last.

As you walk further into the museum, there are hand-knitted items and the American Red Cross posters every knitter knows. "Knit your bit" it says and it made think of the small contribution I'm making for soldiers overseas.
In a world where handknits are a rarity, it's still nice to "knit my bit" for an unknown man or woman overseas. I'm guilty of forgetting how many people died for me to be able to be what I am. From what I can say to how I say it, many Americans sacrificed for what I have today. They died for me personally.
I feel the very least I can do is knit it back. I would love to do more, to contribute more for my peers who are now sacrificing still for us and for our foreign peoples but for now I will have to keep the needles clicking.
It was hard not to cry while I was in the museum and especially when I saw the knitting. It's hard thinking of it now. I just hope the prayer I saw, forever kept for generations to see, keeps itself embedded in what I make and the soldier I make it for comes back to a grateful family and nation.
Support the soldiers, regardless of what you think of the war.